"Clash of the Titans," "Iron Man 2", & "Robin Hood"

The original "Clash of the Titans" was one of my favorite films growing up, and remains one of my guilty cult favorites today. Loosely based upon the story of Perseus from Greek mythology, the original Clash featured the very last of the legendary Ray Harryhausen's stop-motion special effects (and the first in which he worked with a team -- up until that point, Harryhausen did all of his special effects by himself), and some over-the-top performances by Oscar-winner Laurence Olivier as Zeus, king of the Olympian gods, Harry Hamlin as the stalwart Perseus, and in particular, the late Neil McCarthy as the made-for-the-movie villain Calibos, the self-styled "Lord of the Marsh." Not a very good movie, but one of my sentimental favorites on par with '85's "Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins," and "1987's "Masters of the Universe."

Flash forward nearly twenty years and we have an all-new "Clash of the Titans" loosely directed by Louis Letterier, who made the only good Hulk movie, '08's "The Incredible Hulk," and starring "Avatar's" Sam Worthington in the role Harry Hamlin, uh, well, I guess, made famous, Perseus. This film is very different from the original "Clash" and strays even further from the Greek myth of Perseus. I didn't have a problem with either. What I did have a problem with was the shoddy editing (brought on by a sloppy two-month 3-D retrofitting before its premiere), weird pacing, and generally how not entertaining the movie was.

This "Clash of the Titans" was a product of studio mismanagement and tampering, and it shows fully on screen. God, why can't Hollywood leave well enough alone the first time?

"Iron Man 2" is the follow up to the smash 2008 hit featuring the Marvel Comics superhero so aptly and ingeniously portrayed by Robert Downey, Jr. Director Jon Favreau returned as well, this time with a dubious screenplay by writer/actor Justin Therioux (the bad guy from "Charles Angels 2" -- yep, that's him!). For all of its hype, budget, and spot-on CGI, "Iron Man 2" is a boring film where really nothing happens at all. In fact, I spent the whole damn movie waiting for something to happen -- kinda like '06's "Superman Returns." And nothing ever does.

Iron Man himself is seen only a few times in the film including a painful, embarassing scene in which a drunk Tony Stark hosts a party at his Pacific Coast mansion. I haven't felt this uncomfortable watching a scene in a comic book-based movie since that stupid auction scene in '97's "Batman & Robin."

There are a few highlights in the movie, however, as Scarlett Johanssen's pretty nice and pretty to look at as Natalie Rushman, AKA Natalia Romanoff, alias the Black Widow -- although I still wonder what ever happened to Ms. Johanssen's impressive bustline; it appears to have almost disappeared altogether. Geek god Samuel L. Jackson returns as S.H.I.E.L.D. public director Nick J. Fury in a larger role that than the Easter egg after-credits scene he had in the first "Iron Man."

Mickey Rourke fails as Ivan Danko, the villain of the piece: Whiplash-cum-Titanium Man, and Sam Rockwell's pretty much wasted as arms dealer Justin Hammer. By the by, the comics' Whiplash is an Italian-American and Hammer's an elderly Englishman...but I'm nit-picking here.

The brightest spot of the movie is not Downey's performance. You can really tell that Favreau and Therioux's script are completely unable to reign him in this time. And it shows and it's not fun at all to watch. The brightest spot of "Iron Man 2" is Gwyneth Paltrow's Virginia "Pepper" Potts. She is drop dead gorgeous, luminescent, and really terrific in a thankless role.

Stay tuned after the credits to see a tiny piece of Marvel Film's next movie, "Thor," which I felt was the only scene of this entire failure of a film that got me excited at all.

"Robin Hood" is to be avoided at all costs, unless you need a surefire cure for insomnia. It's overlong, boring as hell, and generally devoid of any light-heartedness or fun. Say what you will about 1991's "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves," but that movie was entertaining and fun and memorable. This "Robin Hood" simply is not and the fault lies with generally everybody involved, director Ridley Scott and star Russell Crowe, and most of all Universal Studios, who like Warner Bros' epic fail of "Clash of the Titans" should've left well enough alone.

God, I hope this summer gets better...